I have made it my prerogative to grow and do more in self-love but I realized that I have always done things to love and to care for myself. Whether it's boosting my confidence in the mirror, treating myself to a date, sitting in bed finding things to laugh at, or blasting music while dancing/singing in the mirror.
This is my love language for myself.
However, I am a hopeless romantic and I idolize love stories and fairy tale endings. I truly believed I would find Prince Charming who would save me from myself and this crazy world. We would just be happy with our family and white picket fence 🤣 😩 🤣
That isn't my love story...
My love story went more like looking for love in all the wrong places, putting my wonderful energy into mediocre things and people, enduring disappointment and a broken heart because I hung onto words vs. actions. Who can relate!? It happens.
My proudest moment... RECOGNIZING THAT I WASN'T BEING LOVED LIKE I NEEDED OR WANTED and removing and rebuilding myself.
My last heartbreak was 7 years ago. 7! And I still shed tears because I feel so betrayed. But in reality, did he betray me or did I betray myself? Can I not give or feel true forgiveness because I am trying to forgive a person when I really need to forgive myself? I don't have the answer yet but I will soon. Shoutout to my BFF who has listened to me overcoming these emotions over the years and helping me maintain some peace.
Currently, I'm seeing someone that's giving me all these feels that's reminding me of 7 years ago... A MIRROR I AIN'T ASK FOR 😏 #healing
Well I did but I didn't expect it like this 😂
In the last 7 years, I have chilled from love, sought love, entertained fake love, and rebuilt my self-love. Taking a step back from love was NECESSARY!! I truly started to rebuild my relationship with God then. I felt like I hit rock bottom, I was so broken and hurt and finally pulled out a book my mom gave me when I was 18 years old. 7 years ago I was 26. I carried this book around with me and didn't open it until almost 10 years later smh. A Purpose Driven Life saved me. Saved me from myself, saved me from what I thought was true, and saved me from continuing a path I never had any business being on. I was so stuck on pleasing me, pleasing the world vs pleasing the creator and living with a purpose. That really started my journey of living a purpose-driven life. My life has changed for the better. Thank you, Mom.
Seeking love, the first guy I dated after not dating and celibate for a year was a HOT ASS MESS! 🤣 ATL Native, MARRIED (I found out after), and his words and actions did not match. I gave him 4 months of my life and kindly chucked them deuces. You cant stop this purpose-driven gyal bruh bruh. After I tried dating apps, I tried going with the flow and I even moved back to NYC 2016. ATL was not the place to be in a committed monogamous relationship so I changed my environment. NYC I'm still seeking, searching, hoping for God to give me my black man, white picket fence, and beautiful black babies. My biggest problem I can say... I was seeking instead of sitting back, relaxing, and letting God give me exactly what I need.
Rebuilding, my relationship with myself is so big and beautiful I wish I could truly express how in love I am with myself. Reading the Emotion Code really helped me to dive even deeper and speak to my soul. I envision myself like a phoenix, I had some trauma when I was 19 and since then I have always found comfort and understanding in that symbol.
The Phoenix represents transformation, death, and rebirth in its fire. A powerful spiritual totem of strength and renewal. Also, a fire and solar symbol of the sun, which dies each night to be reborn in rising the next morning. Beautiful isn't it. This helps me not to get stuck on things that I cannot control, knowing I can overcome any obstacle, pain or confusion, and that this is all temporary. My relationship with myself took time, 7 years. Ironically 7 is my lucky number, I've never told anyone before. I took a Numerology test and it really opened my eyes to things and feelings I've had or thought about and really made me think like Wow 7. Its been 7 years and I'm at this place now. I'm forever grateful Jah.
BUT HE IS NOT THROUGH WITH ME YET!
Year 7, 2020
My last relationship ended Feb 2019, we had an adult convo and went our separate ways. It was not a horrible break up, we still touch-base from time to time. I actually spoke to him two days ago just to check-in. What I wanted he physically couldn't give to me and I truly believe it was God's way of saying I GOT SOMETHING EVEN BETTER FOR YOU, SIS! Just wait on it. I decided that I was going to take the time to truly focus on me, my business, my legacy, getting out of debt, growing, loving on me more and healing so when God blessed me I would be ready. My bags packed and ready to go!
This past Fall I sat down and I prayed.
I prayed to God to give me exactly what I needed to be a better me. To bless me with someone who will help me to fulfill his purpose and to be true. I don't want anyone or anything else other than what God feels I NEED for me to be the GREATEST me in this lifetime.
In the meantime, I have been enjoying my love story of me myself and I. Loving me, trusting me, believing in me, taking care of me, studying me, entertaining me, healing me and the list goes on and on. My heart is full and I am so in love and I am ecstatic to be here! I'm glad I don't have the mindset of being a half anymore. I will never be anyone's other half, I am a whole person who loves and accepts myself. I don't need anyone to validate me, my happiness, or to feel loved. I am the best candidate to truly put a smile on my face and my heart forever. The greatest love story, my love for me.
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